Roast My Browsing History

About

Ever wonder what your browser history says about you?

Roast My Browsing History analyzes your local browsing data and delivers a sharp, personalized roast — the kind a very well-informed friend might give you if they could see every tab you've ever opened at 2 AM.

No judgment. Well, some judgment. All of it funny.

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HOW IT WORKS

Click the toolbar icon and the extension reads your browsing history directly from Chrome — on your device, in your browser, going nowhere. It crunches your patterns, assigns you a browsing personality archetype, and generates a roast report built entirely from your own stats.

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YOUR ARCHETYPE

You'll be assigned one of 18 personality types based on your actual habits:

- The 2 AM Spelunker — peak activity after midnight
- The Reload Goblin — F5 is your love language
- The Doomscroll Devotee — keeping the social media economy afloat
- The Link Rabbit — the URL bar is decorative at this point
- The Retail Therapist — your cart has feelings too
- The Research Spiral — started with one question, ended up understanding 14th century grain trade
- The GitHub Haunter — 60 starred repos, zero pull requests
- The Discourse Correspondent — not doomscrolling, monitoring the cultural conversation

...and more, each with a custom blurb written specifically for your browsing pattern.

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THE ROAST REPORT

The full report page goes deeper:

- Hour-of-day bar chart — see exactly when you're most active (and most unproductive)
- Top domains — your most-visited sites ranked, with visit counts
- Most-revisited URLs — that one page you keep going back to. You know the one.
- Top search queries — the things you've been asking the internet in private
- Session analysis — your longest unbroken browsing session, your most cursed late-night one
- Social media breakdown — how much of your soul each platform claims
- Shopping site visits — quantified evidence for your wallet's restraining order
- Roast lines — personalized one-liners pulled from your actual numbers

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TIME WINDOW

Analyze 7, 30, 90, or 365 days of history. Choose how far back you want to look. Choose how much you want to know about yourself.

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COMPLETELY PRIVATE

This is not a data collection tool dressed up as a joke. It is genuinely, verifiably private:

- Zero network requests. Open DevTools -> Network while using it. You'll see nothing go out.
- No storage. Nothing is written to chrome.storage, localStorage, or anywhere else. All data lives in memory and disappears the moment you close the popup or tab.
- One permission: history. No tabs, no cookies, no webRequest, no access to page content.
- No accounts, no sign-up, no tracking. Install it, use it, uninstall it — we never knew you were there.

Your browsing history never leaves your browser. The roast stays between you and your CPU.

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OPEN SOURCE

The full source code is available on GitHub. Read exactly what runs on your machine before you install it.

Privacy policy: https://suramyavns.github.io/roaster-coaster/privacy.html

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Your browser has been watching. Now it has opinions.